Steps for Conflict Resolution in the Church (Mt 18:15-17)

The problem with the church is that it has people. That is why the church has conflicts and divisions. The need for biblical conflict resolution is always urgent and crucial. How might this happen? Jesus' recommended steps in Mt 18:15-17 is often cited. But Jesus did not give us these steps so that we can get rid of people who bother us, who sin against us or with whom we disagree! The purpose is not to get rid of but to gain!

The following principles/steps are suggested:

1. Strict confidentiality. "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you" (Mt 18:15a). This matter is private. Do not share the conflict with other church members. Do not gossip or slander that person, which is most destructive to the person and to the church. Deal directly only with the person involved.
2. Total Honesty. "...go and point out their fault" (Mt 18:15a). It is important to note that Christ commands the offended party who is responsible to go meet the person privately preferably as soon as possible. If it was up to us, we'd look for the one in the wrong to do something first. But Jesus places the responsibility squarely on the injured party. If you have been wronged, hurt, or sinned against, to you Jesus says "go." It is prudent to make observations, rather than accusations. Approaching the sinning brother should be done calmly and rationally with the spirit of Christian love and humility. Note that this is a divine imperative from Jesus. It is not optional for believers. These are not suggestions. These are not just words of advice. Every Christian, every elder, every pastor and every church court must strictly obey and follow Christ's instructions. No excuse is acceptable for violating this passage.
3. True Forgiveness. "If they listen to you, you have won them over" (Mt 18:15b). Real restoration requires complete forgiveness.
4. Proper Appeals. "But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses'" (Mt 18:16). If the two of them fail to resolve the conflict, the problem should be heard by one or two more individual witnesses. The purpose should not be to gang up on that person, or choose only people "on your side."
5. Severed Relationship. "If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector" (Mt 18:17). If the offended party is unrepentant and unable to live with the final resolution of the problem, the relationship must be severed. The church serves as the final authority. The purpose of the discipline is not to remove the irritant, but to restore the offended person by the grace of God and protect the purity of the church.

References:

1. The Lord's Conflict Resolution Plan.
2. The Most Misapplied Passage on Church Conflict.
3. Conflict Resolution in the Church: A Study of Matthew 18:15-16.