"What a beautiful woman she is! She is the kind of woman any man would want to marry!" This was my immediate thought when I heard the story on the radio years ago of how James Dobson (of Focus on the Family) came to marry his wife Shirley.
(Related posts: Marriage as Unjust Suffering, The Search for One True Love, Abraham Lincoln's Very Unhappy Marriage.)
Before marriage, Dobson and Shirley, both Christians, were dating in college with the understanding that they would marry in the future. But when Dobson had to serve in the National Guard he proposed to Shirley that they keep their options open when he was away on duty, and that they could each date other Christians if they wanted to. Because Shirley was in love with him, this shocked her. But she did not express it or react to his "hurtful" proposal. On their last date before he left, he wanted to kiss her good night as he usually does at the door of her house. But she politely refused. Rather abruptly, she went home and closed the door. This surprised Dobson. What he did not know was that after she closed the door she cried all night. But she did not reveal any of this to Dobson. Then when Dobson was away on duty, he did not date others. Instead, he kept writing her over and over, while she was quite lukewarm in her response to him. As a result, Dobson kept pursuing her until they married. Isn't Shirley the kind of woman with the poise, mystery and beauty that any man would want to marry?
Probably, it is somewhat awkward for a man to address the topic of a woman's beauty. A safe statement may be that every woman wants to be beautiful. Also, every man wants to see or to be with and to marry a woman who is beautiful. But our perspective regarding beauty has been affected by our sin. As a result, many a man inclines toward sexual sentiments in his reflections about a woman's beauty, while many a woman obliges a man to pursue them by their subtle and not so subtle behavior and attire or non-attire.
1 Peter 3:1-6 is addressing a Christian wife who is presumably married to a non-Christian (or to an immature husband). Briefly, the woman described here is not that of a pathetic, mousy, spineless, mindless woman. Rather, she is a joyfully obedient woman (not stupid!), a fearless woman whose hope is in God (not man), and who accomplishes great things through quiet, patient, obedient living. She is indeed a happy woman (Prov 31:25), and not a slave to her weak husband, as Leah was to her husband Jacob (Gen 29:32-34). Thus, the principles Peter addresses applies to all marriages, not just one with an unbelieving or immature husband. What does 1 Peter 3:1-6 teach us about a happy, mysterious and beautiful woman?
1. She is submissive to her husband (1 Pet 3:1a). This does not mean and has never meant that she is inferior to him (Gen 1:27). She is his "helper" (Gen 2:18-22). The word "helper" has been demeaned to mean nothing more than a domestic servant. But the Hebrew word "ezer" is a combination of 2 roots, meaning "to rescue, to save" and "strength." Ezer is used 21 times in the OT, twice referring to Eve (Gen 2:18,20), 3 times to nations providing military assistance to Israel, and 16 times in reference to God as a helper. Thus, a weak wimpy woman will have no strength, no power and no wisdom to help her husband be the man that he should be.
2. She wants to win her husband to Christ (1 Pet 3:1b). Even though he may not want to be won over, she is out to melt this cold, cruel man into a tender kind disciple of Jesus. Her heart's utmost desire is not to win him over to her, but to Christ. But if she wins him to Christ, she also wins him to her, for he will love her more.
3. She witnesses to him not through words (certainly not through nagging), but in a much harder way, by her life and her example (1 Pet 3:1c).
4. She is pure and reverent (1 Pet 3:2). She knows more about fixing her spirit, than about fixing her face. Instead of looking at herself in a mirror, she looks at herself through the lens and figurative mirror of Scripture.
5. Her beauty comes from inner gentleness and quietness (1 Pet 3:3-4). She does not win her husband just by looking beautiful. She amazes her husband not by physical seduction, but by her purity and reverence that displays the love, quietness, meekness, gentleness and humility of Christ (Mt 11:29).
6. She puts her hope in God (1 Pet 3:5). Her submission/obedience to her husband is like the obedience of the church to Christ, or the obedience of Christ himself to the heavenly Father, an obedience which engages all her gifts, her creativity, her thought. When we put our hope in man, our emotions go up or down depending on the man. We become like a yo-yo, being controlled by some man. But hope in God is steadfast and unfailing.
7. She does not live in fear (1 Pet 3:6). She is a person of great strength, a calm in the storm. When we live in fear, or when we fear a man, we are insulting God. When we fear God, we have poise, knowledge and wisdom (Prov 1:7, 9:10). Moreover, when we fear God, we fear nothing and no one (Prov 29:25). How glorious and victorious it is to live without fear. How painful it is to live in fear and anxiety.
Conclusion: Man's irresistible affinity for beauty. That God created man and woman in God's image (Gen 1:27) means that our heart craves for what is most beautiful, for God is the Ultimate Beauty. But sin severed our view of the beauty of God. Thus, we seek endlessly all our days for alternate sources of beauty--our counterfeit gods and our idols of choice. Our craving for counterfeit beauty invariably disappoints and disillusions. Our hearts need redemption to be able once again to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord (Ps 27:4), and to see the king in his beauty (Isa 33:17). How?
Jesus is the most beautiful one. But in his incarnation, he had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him (Isa 53:2). On the cross he was disfigured and marred beyond recognition (Isa 52:14). On account of our sins, Jesus lost all of his beauty. Why? So that we can be made beautiful once again.
Reference:
ESV Study Bible, 2008.
Marriage As Unjust Suffering (1 Peter 3:1-7), John Frame.
Hebrew word "ezer" explained.
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